Mixed Emotions

I always have such mixed emotions about leaving. I’m anxious to get home and be with my family and all that is familiar. When I leave my students my heart is pulled and wants to stay. There are things that are hard in a foreign land with food, beds, language, and customs that make me appreciate home. I have to say that I am grateful I get taken care of so well while I am here. My assistant picked me up promptly at 10:30. She wanted to make sure I was all packed, had my passport and scoured the room for items left behind.The scheduled driver picked us up at 11:00. Grace showed up as well with a gift and a strange fruit drink. It tasted like custard in a cup topped with fruit cocktail and red beans. “You must eat your skim milk drink it will be good for you.” So, I ate it. It wasn’t bad, just a little strange mix of flavors. 

Upon arriving at the airport in Zhengzhou all went well until I got to the security check point. The students walked right by my side up to that point (it’s a good thing). The security person looked at me , my ticket, and my passport, handed it back to me and spoke to me in an urgent Chinese language. Felicia looked panicked and said “Oh no that is not possible she has to get home.” Now I was panicked and wondered what had just taken place. She informed me that my ticket would only get me to Shanghai and I would not be able to go to LAX. Grace took my ticket and passport and ran to the ticket office and jumped in front of the others in line. As she was at one counter Felicia was at another. I just stood there wondering what would happen next and glad I had someone to speak for me. She came back saying it would be okay they just misunderstood at the security that I was getting on another flight in Shanghai to LAX. It was certainly a good way to get our adrenalin rush for the day. Crying again,(seems to be my most common emotion) not knowing when we will see each other again, we said our good byes. Sometimes I think this gets harder on me every time I come. I never sleep well, or eat well and it plays with my emotions. That is my excuse.

I spent my last two days interviewing office staff members and members who want to be office staff next year. It has brought me a lot of joy and appreciation for what the students do. The WAFW is basically run by the students. We as facilitators go teach for 5 weeks and leave, they run the office. It’s quite impressive. There is a director, office manager, logistics manager, marketing, translation department , projects leader and men’s academy leader. Interviewing them finding out what inspired them and what they learned on their jobs was insightful for me. The young man who was the men’s academy leader said his goal was to “make women’s voice to be heard all over the world.” The translation director said “I learned team building and how to communicate my expectations more clearly and to make others feel valued.” This is the caliber of students we have running the show. I truly do love them.

I was also able to surprise the evening class and show up to teach the last hour. They were excited to see me and I was too. I love seeing their growth in the past 7 months. They start out so young, shy and quiet. In class they stood and shared openly what the legacy is they want to leave behind. All of their comments had to do with some kind of service to others and what they wanted to be known for was making an impact on people for good. It has made me think about what legacy I want to leave as well. I know the original statement on my vision board said ” I will empower women to take a stand for themselves, have a voice and make a difference in the world.” I would like to add to that and say ” I empower men and women all over the globe awakening to their divine self discovering the gifts they are given and help them find places and ways to express them.” What legacy do you want to leave?

Lack Of Freedom

Lack of Freedom,

I have to admit as soon as I entered China I felt a lack of freedom. Before I arrived I had to send a copy of my passport and my flight schedule arrival and departure to the campus leaders. They want to know the purpose of the visit and how long the stay will be. Every visitor to campus is assigned an assistant or handler.  In many ways the assistant is very handy because I never get lost and always have a helper. In others ways it is a little limiting.

My assistant was Felicia, a member of the World Academy for Women. She was also assigned 2 other guests. They are informed they must have their guests at every event on time or early. If they are not, they are severely scolded. You can imagine her determination to always have us be on time for everything. To say they are pushy is a gentle way to say it.  After each event she would say “now let’s go we must get to the next event, hurry.” It was a tightly scheduled weekend, she was worried we might be late and that made her fearful. The day of graduation I was enjoying taking pictures with my students and their parents. She was getting nervous saying “we have to hurry to the banquet and have to go now.” I gently reminded her that my main purpose in being there was for the student’s graduation. I asked her if I could miss the banquet and go with my students to lunch. She said “I will ask.” Upon her return she told me “Yes you are dismissed, is there anything else I can assist you with today?” I felt a bit of freedom when I told her no.

As soon as I got to China I no longer had access to my gmail account. Apparently the weekend I arrived China decided to cut out gmail access. I could not get on facebook, my blog or any of my church websites. The internet was very slow and sometimes I could get it and others not at all. It was frustrating when trying to communicate with home. I was able to skype a few times but only for a little bit before it cut me off.

I always feel like I am watched while I am there.  There is a sense of not having the freedom to do or say what I want because it might be misunderstood. There was such a freeing feeling when I arrived in the U.S. and felt like I was on my own and could do what I please. When I asked the students if they like their government they say it makes them feel safe. They feel like they are taken care of and are watched over. I can see how that is for them because they don’t know anything other than what they were raised with. I might feel the same way if I wasn’t raised with all the freedoms I have had.

The question my daughter asked me when we arrived in the Philippines was “how was I so blessed to be born in the U.S.?” I felt the same question inside myself. I know we have felt some of our freedoms diminishing in our government but we are very blessed to have what we have. There is still a great deal more freedom than in other countries. The best part is we have so many conveniences that ease our daily tasks. I am grateful to be born an American to have the freedom to worship, work, play, study and do as I please. There is much to be grateful for and I am reminded of that every time I leave this country.    

A Heartfelt Day

Today the women’s project called HIV Orphans had a completion to their year of service. There is an orphanage about 2 hours from here with more than 30 children ages 6-16 who have become orphans from parents who died with Aids. The children are often ostracized in the classroom and put in the corner of the room because they are seen as less than or tainted. They do not have aids but their parents did. They don’t feel like they have friends and are treated badly.

The women in the academy have been writing letters to these children and sending them little pictures for the past 8 months. The leader of the group was able to get a donation from an organization to bring these students to Sias campus today. A large bus arrived with 30 children looking a little lost and sad to be honest. Their faces lit up when they saw about 15 women and men waiting for them with gifts in their hands.

The donation money covered the cost of the bus ride, lunch off campus, books and treats. The students took the children to a large conference room and sang songs and did introductions. They took a tour of campus and came back to do a craft of Chinese knots. At lunch they also had birthday cake for one of the children’s birthday today. They presented them with books and mini candy bars I brought from America.

It warmed my heart to see these men and women of the academy love these children and serve them in a way they may have never been served. They had one on one attention and felt the unconditional love from the students. One little boy was sitting off on his own not feeling very good. A woman who is a nursing student went up to talk with him and gave him a drink and he cheered right up.

I saw a light in their eyes that I didn’t see so brightly when they first arrived. When they left they had big smiles on their faces and kept waving saying I love you. Just call me a cry baby because I am. I cried while they were eating lunch just watching the interaction with the students and children. It is such a pleasure to see what can happen in the lives of someone when they feel loved. I believe my students portrayed the perfect example of love towards these beautiful children. I could take anyone of them home with me.

Mishaps, Accidents, And Lessons Learned

There have been some amazing miracles as well as setbacks this trip. We arrived at the Manilla airport at 4:30 a.m. for our 11:55 flight to China. At 9:00 when the ticket counter opened we went to check in. Looking at our flights they informed us it was cancelled. When I asked how we will get our connecting flight to Zhengzhou they scurried about looking at options. The next big glitch was when they looked at our passports and informed us that my daughter and son in law did not have VISA’S and would not be able to enter China without one. We were shocked and started texting home and getting on the internet. We called the Chinese Embassy but they closed in an hour and we were an hour away.

Looking at every angle or option we could the choice was made, they would stay in Manilla and I left for China. It was a difficult decision to leave them but I did not want to disappoint my students. I was so grateful to know we now have a new friend in town they could stay with. The woman we met the first day in Manilla who invited us into her home for dinner was welcoming them with open arms.

I continued my journey as planned but not without great sadness and disappointment. My daughter and I left each other at the airport crying. I really was looking forward to sharing my China experience with them. Each new turn of events that happens unplanned and unexpected brings the element of surprise or shock. In the moment I don’t know why this happened or if it is just what it is lessons learned “always have a VISA when going to China.”

The reason I say remain flexible is mostly because each day of life ,not just in the Philippines or China we will encounter disappointment. Things don’t always go as planned. If I get stuck in the “what if’s “then I’m not present to “what is.” This hiccup is a brief disruption from daily breath. I can’t quit breathing just because I got the hiccups. I learn to breathe deeper and take in what I can from the experience. I did have moments when I considered bailing and going home with them. That’s the easy way out. Stay with it and learn from the experience I remind myself, I am here for a purpose or I would not have had the heart call to come back.

The results have been positive. My daughter went to the hospital and had an ultra sound, the baby is fine. She got a refund on her plane tickets and got on a flight home tomorrow. They have been able to rest and eat good food in a comfortable air conditioned home with a wonderful angel of a friend. I love my new friends in these faraway lands. People truly are resources and looking for ways to do good, let them help. “Never suppress a generous thought” was a quote that comes to me. We may be the answer to someone’s prayer or they may be the answer to ours. In this case we have had many answered prayers.

A Day Of Celebration

I’m a VIP, I have a lanyard to prove it.This is a big deal because of the celebration there are many distinguished guests. Some of them are Dr. Anoop Swarup from India who is the Nobel peace prize winner. Many are presidents of universities all over the world, delegates from other countries and presidents of large companies. It is definitely an international experience. It is not only graduation but it is also the 15th anniversary of Sias International University.

The campus is a flurry of black and gold caps and gowns. Students are excited and taking pictures in lovely evening gowns and gowns that look like a wedding dress. The day began with a parade of floats from all the departments on campus and four marching bands. I laugh at the background music for the parade was the same song playing over and over YMCA and the Macarena. I am in true form when I watch a parade, I cry. My mother cried every thanksgiving when she watched the Macey’s day parade on TV. I have her to blame for this sensitive gene.

The Chinese don’t do anything small it is always big whatever they do. The floats were beautiful, colorful and alive. One of them had a bubble under a swan than looked like an egg and it opened up and a beautiful ballerina stepped out and danced.

The anniversary celebration was filled with speeches in the beginning. When the entertainment began my tears started to flow again. I am so moved by the beautiful talent and artistic presentation. Dancers, singers and kung fu were amongst the performers. Everything is so colorful and precise.

I met with some of my students after the banquet. These are my first students from the time I was here in 2011. Once again the tears started coming down my cheeks as we visited. Maybe I am just exhausted but I cry a lot. They inspire me. These students started out so shy, quiet and lacking confidence. They now look like professional women with confidence and hope for a bright future. Many of them have just completed their internships and have good job offers in Beijing or Shanghai. I couldn’t be prouder.

Amber 1 is the first students I met on campus fall 2011. She approached me timidly and said “hello”. I greeted her and discovered she was an academy member. She came to class every night because she wanted to improve her English and get everything she could from me. Now her English is great and she exhibits confidents and sureness about what she wants to do. She completed an internship at an international school for special education. Her job offers are at two different schools.

Susanna was a trendy, cute, spunky little girl with big black rimmed glasses with no glass in them. She spoke up right away in class and shared her opinions openly. She now wears a suit and pearls after completing an internship with AM Cham in Shanghai. She has job offers with four different companies in Beijing and Shanghai.

These women were little girls when I first met them and now they are professional, confident powerful women. I credit a big part of that to the women’s academy. It prepared them for the greatness that’s within them. It gave them a playing field to practice their skills and show themselves and others what they were capable of.

My experience has been the same in China. Unknowingly when I first came here I did not realize I was given a practice field. I didn’t know my game. It’s hard to practice if you don’t know the game you are playing. Once I caught on that my love for teaching was my game I practiced all I could. For some reason I wasn’t afraid of failure, I just kept teaching and giving them all I had. What I learned from all that is when I gave it all I had in me with my practice I received more back than I could ever imagined. Is it possible if we put our all into something we want we will get back even more in the rewards of feeling passionate? That can be another whole blog. What are you passionate about and what would you practice on your playing field?