Being A Hero

It only seems appropriate that I write about super heroes since it will be Halloween in less than 12 hours.I was asked to speak to a group last week about being heroes in our homes. It made me think about superheroes that rescue and save lives. Is that what we are doing in our homes? There are other qualities other than saving lives, like: inspiring, taking a stand for something you believe in despite of conflict, support and help.
We hear almost daily of athletes breaking records; scientists inventing marvelous new devices,and machines, and doctors saving lives in new ways. We are constantly being exposed to exceptionally gifted musicians and entertainers, also to the work of talented artists, architects, and builders. Media in all forms, billboards, magazines, tv commercials bombard us with the perfect people, white teeth, flawless features, wearing great clothes and doing whatever it is that successful people do.
We are constantly exposed to the world’s definition of success and greatness. We might fall into the trap of comparing ourselves between what we are and what others are, or our interpretation of what they seem to be. Because of these feelings we may dwell on our failures while ignoring aspects of our lives that may contain elements of true greatness.
Joseph F. Smith said;” Those things which we call extraordinary, remarkable, or unusual may make history, but they do not make real life. After all, to do well those things which God ordained to be the common lot of all mankind, is the truest greatness. To be a successful father or a successful mother is greater than to be a successful general or a successful statesman.” We do not wear a cape and tights and have a super emblem around our neck but we are each heroes in our own lives each day. When we do our best in the face of the commonplace struggles of life, and possibly in the face of failures, and continue to endure and persevere with the ongoing difficulties of life we are living breathing heroes. Sometimes those struggles and tasks we take on contribute to the progress and happiness of others – this is true greatness.
I have witnessed my nephew experience cancer at the early age of 5 with true courage and greatness. I have a friend who’s daughter is suffering with a bone marrow transplant failure presently fighting for her life and others cheering and encouraging her to keep going. My brother lives with chronic pain and keeps looking for the rainbow at the end of each new procedure. A young friend of mine that I met with this week is fighting heroin addiction. It doesn’t take much to become a hero these days in the turmoil that faces each individual life.
I have had heroes in my lifetime or others I have looked up to that mostly have helped me through hard times. They are my mom, Christ, Mother Teresa, St Francis of Assisi, Joseph and Emma Smith, Joan of Arc, Alma. These are a few. Why are they my heroes? Because they each one took a stand for something they believed in despite the conflict and ridicule they received from others. They served God and others with their belief and inspiration and did not give up. There are those daily heroes ; soldiers, teachers, nurses, farmers, those who clothe, feed and mother the children of the world and lift and love. I know I struggled for awhile whether I should mention my Christian beliefs in my writing on this blog. When I started thinking about my heroes that is what they did without fear. Thus, I openly profess my belief in God and Jesus Christ. Christ went about doing good, yet was despised for it. His gospel was a message of peace and goodwill. We would do well to follow His example.
True greatness is not the result of a one-time effort or achievement. Heroes do not save a life then walk away and sit on the beach the rest of their days. It requires the development of character. Donald Miller my favorite author said “The point of life is character transformation and to make the most of our life story and a character who wants something and overcomes conflict to get it has a good story. ” Over the years the choices we make and bundle together show what we value.
Howard W. Hunter said “As we evaluate our lives, it is important that we look, not only at our accomplishments, but also at the conditions under which we have labored. We are all different and unique individuals; we have each had different starting points in the race of life; we each have a unique mixture of talents and skills; we each have our own set of challenges and constraints to contend with. Therefore, our judgment of ourselves and our achievements should not merely include the size or magnitude and number of our accomplishments; it should also include the conditions that have existed and the effect that our efforts have had on others. ” My take on that is “be easy on yourselves” don’t compare yourself with the latest super hero or super mom or neighbor or sister or friend, accept who you are with all your flaws and perfections. Look at your own greatness.
Create inspiring, noble, and lofty goals that ignite your imagination and create excitement and burning in your heart. Keep your eye on them on your vision boards if you have one. Henry David Thoreau wrote ” If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.”Carefully select heroes that can give us a pattern for our lives and serve as role models. They can give us courage to walk our path in life. We can make a declaration ourselves, of who and what we want to be. Take a stand for those you love and what you believe in.

 

Living In Chronic Pain

For nearly 6 weeks I have had a toothache. It started with a cracked tooth…..I received a crown and the pain began. My frequent visits back to the dentist to eliminate the pain included having the crown shaved down because it was too high. The pain would come and go in it’s intensity but never completely gone.  I lived on ibuprofen daily which is uncommon for me. My theory is “grin and bare it” and use a natural remedy. That wasn’t working. As the intensity of the pain grew stronger I grew more and more miserable. I found myself giving up hope for ever feeling better, losing faith in dentists and in life. I wondered what I could do to pound the pain out. I was sleep deprived because my pulse pounded in my jaw when I laid down at night. I sat up in bed whining and angry.

It dawned on me that this must be what it’s like for people who live in chronic pain. It’s hard to focus on anything else but the pain, and exhaustion. When I am sleep deprived I have what I call “stinkin thinkin”. Nothing is positive and everything looks awful. I would have tried anything to make the pain go away.  I know this to be the case with friends and family who have chronic pain. I understand how it has been now that I had my experience. Bless you people who live in chronic pain!! I am so sorry for your suffering.
I am a healthy person and don’t like pain, nor do I have it all that often. When I do, I am a complainer because I want it to go away. Misery and suffering is a word to describe the feeling of constant gnawing pain. There were lessons learned and always will be, but, can we while we’re in the middle of it all? My brother has lived in chronic pain for years. The whole time I was experiencing my pain I thought of him and how his life has been impacted by the constant pain.
I felt grateful for my pain free life and my ability to sleep through the night (most of the time). Gratitude became my friend. Grateful for the energy and strength to get up in the mornings, to walk, to talk, to drive, to eat (soft food), to breathe to see beautiful sunsets and overcast morning skies. Life was not about how much I could get done in a day but grateful I could do anything. I made a point to visit someone who needed cheering up so I could forget my own pain.I became acutely aware of of what to be grateful for and often would write those things down. I was grateful for the body parts I had that functioned, and for family who loved me and felt badly for me, and for friends who made me soup.
My focus was always; “how do I handle this pain today?” “What can I do to endure and embrace it?” Living in pain zaps your energy, it is depressing , it is hard to have hope, make plans, or see a light at the end of the tunnel. Every morning when I woke up tired and hurting I would tell myself; “you can take a nap today or just sit.” That was the hope I gave myself. It was a daily affirmation of self-caring. It’s not a bad idea for those of us who are madly running about with busy lives taking care of the world to stop and take care of self.
There was an end for me. After swelling, bruising, and infection I had a root canal. Every request I made in my prayers was answered. I asked that the pain go away, that the dentist be gentle with me, I could breathe during the procedure and it wouldn’t take long. I got it all. My dentist referred me to an endondontist . He was a social worker turned dentist. He was very caring and gentle and only took 45 minutes.
I am not completely pain free 2 days out from the root canal, but it is amazing how wonderful it is to not have a constant pain day after day. I wanted to scream; “Thank you , Thank you, I am free from constant throbbing pain!”
I am grateful for lessons learned. Don’t give up. Keep moving forward and find something each day to focus on. Like a ballerina who does turns or fouette’s one after another. They have a spot on the wall they look at to keep their focus. The same is true for those in chronic pain. Find something each day to be grateful for and to focus on besides the pain. When all I thought about was the pain it seemed to amplify. It helped me to find something else to focus on.
My heart goes out to those who live with pain day after day. My hope is you find relief in the simple things around you.

Spinning Plates

I have decided I should join the circus! You’re probably thinking “wow I didn’t know that was on her vision board.” It’s not. In fact one square on my board has a picture of a man sitting on the beach with his computer watching the waves and my caption says “I am still.”  This is not a common  characteristic for me and I have difficulty sitting still and just being quiet for a little bit. Presently, I see myself in the middle of the circus ring spinning plates on sticks and keeping them all up at once not letting a single one drop. It is getting a little stressful to keep all the plates spinning without a broken one. I think it is time to prioritize which ones I want to keep up and which ones can drop.

I wear a lot of hats of responsibility as I am sure everyone does. These hats all seem very important to me and keep me and others afloat. What I also know ,is nothing is worth losing ones health or mind and there needs to be days and times to let go of some of the hats or plates. Today is a Bye day for me. A term used in sports as a week off from playing a game. I have been on the court playing pretty fully for a steady year now and think it is time for a bye.

This time last year I was in China. I am missing it and remembering how lonely I was and how no matter what, I played full out and stayed so busy I hardly had time to write or rest.  It was a huge growth experience for me and I pushed through fears like no other. I don’t mind speaking in front of groups but at the last minute I was asked to give a speech at the parade, the premier of “Girl Rising” movie and at a classroom of graduate students.  It was a push for me to say the least.

Now I have different demands and requests and find myself pushing through more barriers. Today I woke up feeling weak and shaky. My walk was brisk in the cool misty morning air and I even thought I would finish it with a swim. When I arrived back home I felt weak and couldn’t do much. I actually laid down in my bed at 9:00 a.m. I found myself feeling guilty and pressed to get well so I could get up and get on with my day (which is full of things to do). Instead I decided to write.

How do I make myself “be still”? I write. It is a place of refuge for me and a place to vent. I have a spiral notebook I write 3 pages in every morning where I empty my brain of all the things that clog it up. A lot of it is nothingness, not even worthy of  ever rereading, but it gives me more space to be focused on what is important and what I want to be doing. I read a book 20 years ago by Julia Cameron called “The Artist’s Way”. It changed my life. I discovered writing and a way to take care of myself by emptying my brain every morning with what she calls “morning pages”. It has become my way to be still for 30-45 minutes and to let go of all the “should s” and “have to’s” .

This is my “bye” day to read, write and be still. I have let some plates drop today and I am okay with it. Life will still go on, all will be well and I will be a better person because I am taking time to refuel and let my heart and soul be fed. A good quote by Eddie Cantor says ” Slow down and enjoy life. It’s not only the scenery you miss by going too fast—-you also miss the sense of where you are going and why”.  If you are spinning too many plates see what it’s like to let a few drop and slow down.

 

Walking Through Open Doors

While sitting at the kitchen table Sunday evening I realized I had not responded to an important email. My phone is handy but I don’t like using a hand held device to type any more than a paragraph. The grand kids were running around, boys throwing punches, baby dolls needing rocked  and the kids were visiting with each other. It was not the most convenient time to pull out my laptop, but I did. I looked at my email and noticed a new one from an acquaintance I had met at some of our Academy meetings. I was curious but followed through with my response to the email that was urgent.

The night before I taught vision boards to a group and talked about walking in the open doors. What does that really mean? For me it feels pretty crazy how it happens and continues to happen. Another analogy for it might be ; when you’re hungry and manna falls from heaven you eat it. I felt hungry before I went to China. My request was “find me a place to use my talents and direct me there”. I had on my vision board ” I go to other countries to empower women to take a stand for themselves and have a voice.” When the manna fell and the opportunity presented I ate it and felt nourished beyond anything that I have ever felt. When I came home I got complacent and enjoyed time with my family. When I started feeling hungry again (seeking purpose) I asked for it and it is presenting.  There’s no clear message when I ask for things. It’s not like I get a written text from God saying “here’s your next move.” It presents in ways that may not be recognized at the first glance. I’ve learned to listen to the pull and grab on my heart and solar plexus. If I get shaky or fearful or feel like I just put my finger in a light socket I know that’s my answer.

That’s what happened Sunday night. I opened the email from this acquaintance. She said she was invited to attend a women’s retreat in Long Beach California and could take one guest. My name came to her and she invited me to attend http://www.limitlesswomen.com/.  My first reaction was I hardly know this person why is she asking me? I looked at the website and immediately felt intimidated by the appearance of a room full of powerful , philanthropist business women. I felt a strong sense of fear and immediately responded with “no I don’t see myself as a philanthropist or a business woman.” She responded with “look it over again and look at unstoppablefoundation.org, the organization we support through donation at the retreat.

It was the viewing of these sites that gave me the electrical shock, the call to my heart and the surrendering to some greater cause then I am aware of. I responded with a yes, we communicated times, and dates and I booked a flight to Long Beach! I did all this within about 15 minutes, no looking back, no questioning, pondering, just answering the bodily responses to go do this. The unstoppable foundation helps educate children around the world. Currently they are focusing on AFRICA! Yes, it looks like I’m getting pulled in that direction, so I just as well quit fighting it. I have to quit asking “why” and just say “yes” when the manna falls. I wish I were content to sit in my easy chair and read a book. There’s nothing wrong with that, I just don’t think it’s my pathway.

A new buzz word these days is “what is your purpose and passion?” I even have it on a flier for my classes. I don’t know if I can answer that for myself other than “to follow where my heart and body leads me.” Some may not have a clue what to even ask for. I know I didn’t at one time. Now my request is to be lead in the direction where I can use my personal gifts to make a difference in the lives of others. I asked Suri in my phone for a definition of philanthropist. She told me “someone who serves charitably for the good of mankind.” I guess I am a philanthropist after all.

There was a card on my vision board for about a year that said “I collaborate with women to start a philanthropic group to teach leadership skills.” I took it off a few months ago, and put it in my notebook thinking it would not happen. It came out and is back on my board again.

 

What's Possible

As I was laying on my bed this morning with my head hanging off the foot of it, stretching my neck, I read my vision board. I didn’t start in the top right corner, as usual, but at the bottom right corner. One of the cards on the board says “I go to Ghana with Patience, Hannah, Lynette and Randa with a purpose”. After reading that and counting to 8 with my stretches and then moving to my back to do the same, my thoughts were purely negative. I just kept saying to myself; “That’s crazy, you are not going to Ghana, what are you thinking? That’s not possible.” I keep thinking ” my China experience was a great one, and I have some wonderful stories that have impacted my life from it, why do I have to go to Ghana? ” Is it fear that is stopping me, the unknown, or am I just tired? Maybe I need to take a nap.

Most of the things I write about on this blog are about building character, and the things I have learned from day to day experiences that have helped me, to change my life into one I am happier with.
Donald Miller is a favorite author of mine , in his book ‘A Million Miles in a Thousand Years’, (I highly recommend this book) he states ” A story is about a character who wants something and overcomes conflict to get it.” I am always wanting something more, what can I do next or what is it I need to be doing. I say I trust God and my own Knowingness to help me to get there but that’s not true. I’m afraid I am telling God how I want my story to go and play-by-play telling him how I want each segment to happen. If I really had the faith to let God write my story, I would follow the prompts from Him when they came in.
A person who is acting in a play has a script to memorize, while they are rehearsing they sometimes have someone off stage prompting them with their lines. This is how I see God trying to prompt my life. After reading my vision board this morning and denying the things I wrote at one time with Inspiration I had the opportunity to get a few prompts or boots in the seat of the pants. While attending church today, a woman who has heard me say that I wanted to go to Ghana came up to me and said; “I heard a woman speak last week who just returned from Ghana. I told her about you and she wants to talk to you, here’s her name and number.” Of course you must know my thoughts by now were; “What? I just shut that door on that possibility this morning while lying on my bed stretching, I am not going to Ghana!” I smiled and thanked her and took the number.

I went into the next meeting and saw a woman I hadn’t met before. I introduced myself to her and asked where she was visiting from. She said; “I currently live in Utah but just returned from living in Ghana the past 2 years.” I worked hard not to gasp but felt my heart leap and thought;”OK God what is it you want me to learn here and what do I do?” I visited with her for a few minutes before class started and asked if I could talk to her about her experiences there. She seemed happy to talk to me and quickly wrote down her name and number and handed it to me.

Upon my return home from Church I was still thinking; “Do I take a nap or do I go visit this woman who is only in town until tomorrow?” I accepted the challenge and visited with her. She dissipated a lot of my fears and gave me even more reasons to go to Ghana. I wrote about Patience from Ghana being a woman of great faith. I guess that is common among all the people of Ghana. She said;”God is a part of their life, they are genuine and are in tune with themselves, with you and with God.”

Sometimes I think I am a slow learner. Why can’t I just remember what it is I get when when I walk in the doors as they open for me? I have taught about the man who walked along the path and came to a wall, he couldn’t figure out how to get over it so he threw his hat over the wall. Now he had to figure out a way over the wall to get his hat. The walls I hit are my fears. If I want to continue to build my character and my story then I won’t give into the fear, I will crash through it. How can I pass up the doors that have opened for me today? They were immediate answers to my denial of ‘what is’, what needs to be and what can be. A writer named Julianne Friedrickson said; “The things you are passionate about are not random, they are your calling.” I am back on board with Ghana, it is calling me. All I can say is;”Stop pushing away the things you know you’re called to be doing right now. If nothing is calling to you, then ask.”