I Feel Selfish

I feel selfish,                                                                    

Even though I have given a lot of time and energy to this project in China I feel a little selfish that I have also been focusing on my own growth. I know I have a powerful influence on these women and they drink in and grasp for everything I give them. Therefore, I feel like I have held back some of the things I could have given them with my own self-intraspection.

I am inspired each time I spend a little one on one time with the students. Each one has a unique personality and is always full of questions.  I walked with Felicia yesterday. She is a deep thinker. There is something about her that is drawn to looking inwardly and she is always looking for inner peace. She said there are times she will spend as much as 2 hours just sitting and looking inside herself. Her question for me was; “how can you have inner peace and passion?” My answer to her was; “I don’t have inner peace if I am not living out my passion”.  I think she was thinking inner peace would show physically as calm and serene, and living passionately was excited and full of life. My experience is when I don’t live out what calls to my heart and brings me passion I am not at peace with myself.

In the Access Your Personal Power Workshop we teach an equation that says; “Inspiration minus Expression equals depression”. I have seen this play out in my life many times. When I feel inspired to do something, even if it is to make a phone call to someone, and I don’t listen or follow it, I feel sad or depressed about it. I have learned many hard lessons over the years that have made me very aware of acting on my inspiration. When I committed to come back to China this third time I felt inspired to do so and acted at the moment because I knew I might not do so if I waited.

I taught vision boards tonight in class which is my favorite subject. I especially love hearing what the students have written on their boards. They stand up and read their vision board statements while I help them to put them in first person present. Most of their statements say “I should, I must, I want.”  The majority of them focus on what they can provide for their families, and how they will take care of their parents. It is really quite honorable how their whole focus is on taking care of their parent’s dreams and giving back to them.  One of my favorite statements tonight was about a student’s mother who is a Doctor and as a child she always wanted to write poetry. But her parents wanted her to be a Dr. This student said; “I want to help my mother achieve her dream of writing poetry and publish a book of her poems.”

These Chinese women are a powerful influence on me in the way they live, the way they express themselves and their drive and commitment to be better. I love seeing how they are so eager to be the best in their classes and give to others. There is much we can learn from these kind, driven, committed,   generous people.