Unfinished Conversations

I woke up this morning feeling much more peaceful than I have the last few days. It has been a very hectic three days and I had a lot on my mind. The conversations that need to be had and I have put off are the things that stress me most. I don’t know if I am alone in this, but, sometimes I know I need to make that phone call, or talk to that person I had a misunderstanding with or even visit someone that has been on my mind. I decided these unfinished conversations are mind bandits or show stoppers.
Mind bandits are the little voices in my head that are having the conversation over and over again without sharing them with the person who needs to hear them. My term bandits comes from how they steal my peace and rob my soul from feeling complete. When I just have the conversations in my head it doesn’t benefit anybody. I remember years ago I used to vacuum the floor daily ( we had dark green carpet and it showed everything) and have arguments with whoever I was upset with at the time while I was vacuuming. For some reason the physical movement gave my permission to be angry and push harder. Sometimes that carpet got extra clean. The only way to release those mind bandits from my mind is to have the conversation with the person it is meant for. I have written down many conversations to help take the wind out of the sails but it still needs to be said. Some of the scary conversations I have had were written down and I read them as a script so I could be clear and not forget all I wanted to say while feeling fearful.
I get stopped when I don’t have the conversations going on in my mind with whoever they are meant for. It is difficult to focus and work on other things, especially creatively when I know I need to get complete with someone. It’s a lot like incomplete projects. I have that on my vision board . “I complete projects.” I didn’t equate it to conversations until just now. When we have projects staring us in the face; the wall half painted, the wall paper half stripped off, the curtains need hemmed, birthday gifts wrapped, packages mailed, filing, filing and more filing, it is hard to focus on anything new. I can’t make dinner in a kitchen that is not cleaned. How can I possibly start a new project, have a genuine relationship , or be my true self if I am stopped with unfinished business?
There is a lovely music video by Lenka called Just enjoy the Show that has been playing in my mind today. I realized my life is the show and I’m not enjoying it if I am running around with conversations that are incomplete. Thus, the show stopper term evolved. Neil Maxwell said “moments are the molecules that make up eternity.” ” It is not so much the major events , as the small day to day decisions that map the course of our living.” What decision’s am I making that are mapping my course? Finishing the hard incomplete conversations is my first step. I finished two of those yesterday. Whew, that felt so good I woke up feeling peaceful this morning. I almost have the wall paper stripped thanks to my daughter’s wonderful help. Lenka’s song “I’m just a little bit caught in the middle of life is a maze,and love is a riddle slow it down , make it stop.” These words have stuck with me the past few days. Life is meant to live more fully, and I can do so as I take care of my mind bandits. I will enjoy the show. Hope you will too.