I leave on Saturday September 28, 2013 on a 15 hour flight from Phoenix, to LAX, to Beijing, to Zhengzhou then picked up by women of the academy and taken by van for 45 minutes to Xingeng . It is a long flight with a few layovers but I am so excited to get there it just doesn’t matter. I have received some kind responses from the students it gives me even more motivation to get things ready to go. I asked one of the women what I could bring her from America. Her response was “You are the biggest gift from America and I’m more than satisfied with the fact that you’re coming!” Another sent me a message today saying “All of your children at Sias University are looking forward to seeing you??” What a great welcome huh? I feel like a college student cramming for an exam. I have been working every chance I get to finish my teaching materials and get my power point presentations finished. It leaves me happy and fulfilled even if I am sleep deprived. I love the quote from George Bernard Shaw’s play “Man and Superman” “This is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being a force of nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy. I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the whole community and as long as I live it is my privilege to do for it whatever I can. I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work the more I live. I rejoice in life for its own sake. Life is no “brief candle” to me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got hold of for the moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations."
My Fears Are Emerging
I have been inspired to return to teach in China, been supported in getting there and now feel the fear. Marianne Williamson said ” Our worst fear is not that we are inadequate, our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.” I was very fearful when I went last time having no idea what I was going to experience. Now, I know how powerful I can be and the light I was able to share while I was there. I am afraid of what it can be and what it cant be. I find myself questioning what I am doing and will it be the same or even better? I know when doors of opportunity open and I walk in them I am never sorry, but it doesn’t mean I am not afraid. My fears are there to challenge me and make me look at myself. If I weren’t afraid I would question that. I guess I question a lot of things I do. I have a statement on my vision board that ” I submit to my knowingness, and i trust my knowingness”. When my gut said it was time to go back to China, I listened and committed the same day. I knew I would be afraid and back out later if I waited. I will trust the fear is here for me to step into and learn from. I learn most from things that are hard and that I fear.
